Breaking up is hard to do. Whether the relationship ended abruptly or you saw it coming for a long time, going through a breakup is a painful experience no matter what. But while it may not feel like it now, you will move on and there are strategies you can employ to help speed up the healing process.
In this post, I'll share my top tips for how to get over someone and move on after ending a romantic relationship based on both personal experiences and what I've learned from my friends' experiences with others through heartbreak over the years. By following these steps, you can start feeling better about yourself and your future prospects for finding love again in no time.
Take Time to Grieve the Relationship
The first step to getting over a breakup is allowing yourself to feel the pain. Rather than fighting the sad and difficult emotions, embrace them. Crying, feeling lonely, and reminiscing about good memories are all normal parts of the grieving process. Don't try to rush through this stage or stay stuck in it - both prolong recovery.
Give yourself at least a few weeks to truly experience and accept the feelings of loss without judgment. Talk to friends about how you're feeling. Journaling can also help process emotions. With time and self-care, the intense pain will lessen as you gradually accept the reality of the situation.
Cut Off All Contact for 30 Days
One of the most important rules for learning how to get over someone is committing to no contact for a minimum of 30 days. This means blocking your ex on all social media and communication platforms. Resist the urge to stalk their profiles or check up on what they're doing.
Having zero contact allows emotional and mental space away from your ex. It helps break psychological patterns and dependence that keep hopes of reconciliation alive. Staying in touch through texting or social media only prolongs misery by stimulating hopes, fears, and obsessive thoughts about the relationship.
Commit to a full 30 days of no interaction whatsoever before making any decisions about future contact. This period of mandatory distance is crucial for moving on from the breakup in a healthy way.
Reflect on What You Learned
After the initial grieving process, take time to thoughtfully reflect on your past relationship. Look for lessons on what you appreciated about the relationship, as well as areas of possible personal growth.
Some questions to consider:
What traits/qualities did you value in your partner?
What role did you play in problems within the relationship?
How can you improve communication and conflict resolution skills?
What red flags did you miss or ignore early on?
How did past relationships affect your beliefs about intimacy?
Reflecting brings a perspective that helps prevent repeating unhealthy relationship patterns. The goal should be growth, not blame. Accept responsibility for your role without excessive guilt or self-criticism. Understanding yourself better sets the stage to have healthier bonds going forward.
Rediscover Your Identity
When you've been with someone for a long time, it's easy to lose your independent identity and interests. To truly get over someone, focus on rediscovering who you are as an individual separate from the relationship.
During your mandatory no-contact period, spend solitary time nurturing hobbies, passions, and social connections outside of the relationship. Make an effort to do things just for your own enjoyment and fulfillment rather than relying on a partner.
Some activities to consider:
Reconnect with old friends
Travel solo or with friends
Try new fitness classes, sports, or outdoor activities
Learn a skill through a class (cooking, crafting, language, etc.)
Join local hobby clubs or Meetup groups
Getting reacquainted with your autonomous self is key to reducing codependency and regaining confidence. An independent social life prevents loneliness and shows your capacity to thrive outside the broken relationship.
Use Positive Self-Talk
The inner narrative we tell ourselves has immense power over our thoughts and emotions. When hurting from a breakup, it's all too easy to slip into negative self-criticism and doubt. Make a conscious effort to counter these unhealthy thought patterns with positive affirmations instead.
Some examples of positive self-talk:
I am strong and will get through this difficult time.
My worth isn't defined by this relationship ending.
I deserve to be loved and there are many wonderful people out there.
This breakup happened for a reason and has opened doors to new possibilities.
I am capable of happiness whether I'm partnered or single.
Catch yourself dwelling on regrets, what-ifs, or thoughts of not being good enough, then replace them with positive truths. Don't be afraid to repeat affirmations out loud. With practice, positive self-talk shifts mindsets toward believing the best in yourself and the future.
Date Yourself Consistently
While the idea of dating again so soon may seem disheartening post-breakup, dating yourself is actually an empowering way to boost confidence and move forward.
Schedule solo dates weekly as you would any other social plans. Treat yourself to enjoyable activities and experiences that enrich your life as a single individual. Some self-date ideas include:
Going to a movie or play
Taking a cooking or art class
Visiting a museum, zoo, or botanical garden
Going to a concert or show
Pampering with a massage or facial
Trying a new restaurant
Weekend getaway road trip
Prioritize your needs and have fun without dependence on another. Learning to fully enjoy your own company teaches independence and that fulfillment comes from within rather than another person. This fosters healthier attitudes towards intimate relationships down the line.
Also read: How to Rebuild a Damaged Relationship
Manage Expectations About Dating Again
While the desire to find a new partner is understandable to overcome feelings of loneliness post-breakup, it's important to be realistic about expectations. Rushing into rebounding relationships or casual flings too soon often backfires since emotional healing takes time.
Focus first on yourself rather than forcing connections. When ready, aim to date casually without pressure or agenda. Keep an open mindset as you get comfortable putting yourself out there again. Remember that dating is a numbers game - don't take rejections personally or see them as failures.
Share openly but vulnerably about your recent breakup so new dates understand where you're at emotionally. Also, recognize you may not be fully ready to seriously commit yet. Be honest about needing to take things slow. With patience and care for yourself, you increase your chances of meeting someone truly compatible when the time is right.
Reframe "Heartbreak" as an Opportunity
Though heartbreak feels devastating now, choosing to see it as a chance rather than a closed door can uplift your perspective. Breakups make room for positive growth and new adventures we may not have pursued otherwise.
Use this life transition to reflect on dreams put aside and risks never taken. With independence regained, what new hobbies, jobs, locations, or challenges interest you? How can you spend time doing meaningful things that matter most?
Rather than seeing a relationship ending as a failure, accept it as an important step toward continuously improving yourself and approaching future relationships from a wiser place. Have faith that when you've sufficiently healed and learned hard lessons, better-suited matches await down the line.
Never forget your intrinsic worth isn't tied to partnership status. You have so much wonderful potential to offer the world regardless. Keep putting yourself out there bravely and good things are destined to come.
Make a Gratitude List
Finding gratitude even in difficult times boosts mood and improves outlook. While a breakup understandably brings sorrow, try shifting focus to appreciate the remaining blessings still in your life.
Compile a daily list of at least 5-10 things you're grateful for such as:
Your health and basic needs being met
Loving family and true friends
Natural beauty around you
Talents, skills and opportunities
Difficult lessons that help you grow
Memories made and fun times experienced
Repeating positive reflections shifts mental energy away from pain. Over time, honing an "attitude of gratitude" instills resilient hope that life holds goodness despite setbacks.
Stay Busy But Avoid Illusions of "Being Busy"
Staying too idle during a breakup allows rumination, whereas keeping occupied facilitates healing. However, there's a big difference between genuine productivity vs. escapism.
True engagement means filling time with soul-nourishing activities providing a sense of purpose, flow, and betterment - whether it's work, hobbies, community service, or self-improvement.
Vs. unhealthy distractions like excessive drinking/partying, shopping sprees, casual dating or mindlessly streaming for hours offering temporary fixes but no real fulfillment.
Discern activities enlivening your mind/spirit versus numbing pain. Focus on growth that leaves you feeling enriched rather than depleted inside when "keeping busy." Find a healthy balance.
Consider Counseling If Needed
For some, breaking unhealthy patterns causing difficulties in moving on requires expert guidance. There's no shame in prioritizing your emotional health by seeing a licensed counselor or therapist.
Therapy provides objective perspectives to untangle complex emotions. It can help resolve underlying issues from past relationships contributing to current distress. Professional support also validates feelings and boosts coping mechanisms through proven techniques like cognitive behavioral therapy.
If you struggle with unhealthy relationship behaviors, low self-esteem, or dependence, or find yourself stuck in sadness/anger weeks later, it may be time to seek counseling help. Your future well-being is worth the investment.
It Gets Easier, I Promise
Stay committed to this process and be kind yet determined with yourself. You have so much wonderful life ahead to live regardless of what didn't work out before. This too shall pass - keep the faith and remember that with persistence in small daily efforts, you will learn to get over someone and be happy once more.
Comments