10 Toxic Dating Trends of 2023 That Will Spoil Your Year (If You Don't Avoid Them)

Are you sick of meaningless Dating that goes nowhere? Fed up with people wasting your time and emotions? If so, you'll want to pay close attention. As we head into a new year, it's more important than ever to leave behind certain dated behaviors that are guaranteed to torpedo your chances of finding real love and connection.

Thankfully, with a little self-awareness and commitment to treat others - and demand being treated - with dignity and respect, you can recognize and avoid these toxic patterns. Here are a few that I think are best left in 2023.

Ghosting

One of the most hurtful trends of the past several years has been ghosting - when someone you've been seeing suddenly stops all communication without explanation. Cutting things off cleanly is never easy, but leaving someone hanging with no closure is disrespectful at best and emotionally damaging at worst. We all deserve to be treated with dignity. In 2024, have the difficult conversation instead of disappearing.

Love bombing

The thrill of a new connection is wonderful, but love bombing takes it to an unhealthy extreme. When someone professes intense feelings after just a short time together or showers you with lavish gestures and gifts early on, it's often a red flag. True intimacy takes time and patience to develop. Going forward, pump the brakes on over-the-top displays and focus more on real emotional connection.

Stonewalling

Another form of avoidance is stonewalling - refusing to engage or communicate during an argument or disagreement. The silent treatment leaves resentments to fester and resolutions out of reach. It's totally normal and even healthy for couples to disagree from time to time. But shutting down problem-solving gets us nowhere. Compromise requires openness, empathy, and a willingness to understand different viewpoints.

Micro-cheating

The lines around fidelity have certainly blurred in recent years. But certain semi-innocent behaviors have been widely called out as forms of micro-cheating - things like having private messaging relationships, following or flirting with exes on social media, or entertaining romantic attention from others when you're ostensibly unavailable. If any action makes your partner question your commitment or boundaries, it's worth reevaluating for the sake of trust and honesty.

Mirroring

In the quest to form a connection, some take the tactic of mirroring too far - agreeing with everything their date says or adopting mirrored personalities. But authenticity and diversity of opinions are much more interesting in the long run. Learn to value someone for who they are, not who you want them to be. And be confident enough in yourself to bring your whole self to the table as well.

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Negging

Deriving entertainment from another person's hurt or insecurity is simply cruel behavior. Yet the practice of negging - making intentionally backhanded compliments or subtle insults to undermine confidence and gain a perceived upper hand - still persists in some quarters. In 2024, choose empathy, respect, and kindness in all your interactions instead of toxic relationships.

Paperclipping

Also known as breadcrumbing, paperclipping refers to leading someone on with scraps of attention just enough to keep them on the hook, but without any real intention of commitment or follow-through. This wishy-washy behavior wastes people's time and emotional energy. Promote communication, honesty, and making clear where you stand instead.

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Fizzling

Fading interest is natural and inevitable for some pairing no matter how promising things seemed initially. But consciously fizzling out a relationship without directly ending it leaves both people in an ambiguous limbo. Have compassion by providing clear and timely closure one way or another so both parties can move forward.

Slow fade

Similar to fizzling but even more passive, the slow fade involves gradually responding less frequently to texts or calls, and canceling plans more often until communication eventually tapers off on its own. This type of phasing out lacks courage and care. End things respectfully in person whenever possible to minimize hurt feelings.

Scrooging

Any dating behavior associated with the miserly Ebenezer Scrooge is best avoided. Scrooging refers to pettily counting pennies on things like splitting modest dating expenses or fighting over who should pay for what. Going Dutch on early meetings is reasonable, but quibbling in the spirit of penny-pinching isn't conducive to forming an easygoing connection.

Vulturing

When someone swoops in with intention only after you've clearly moved on from a breakup, it may indicate vulturing - targeting availability rather than genuine interest in you as a person. Give yourself time to properly heal before reconsidering romantic prospects. And new admirers would do well to consider motives and timing carefully.

Kittenfishing

Crafting an artificially idealized online persona is nothing new, but there's been more awareness in recent years around kittenfishing - using photos, metrics, or biographical details that, while not outright lies, intentionally misrepresent oneself. Present an authentic snapshot and let chemistry form organically from there. Misleading images and impressions end up hurting trust down the road.

Whiteclawing

The term whiteclawing emerged to call out people who feigned heavy drinking by ordering clear, low-alcohol seltzers but let dates foot the entire bill for actual alcoholic drinks. Whether casual or serious, dating should involve fair exchanges all around without underhanded tactics. Pitching in reasonably avoids offending and fosters goodwill.

Ethical sexploration

As attitudes evolve, polyamory and relationship anarchy have gained visibility in some progressive communities. But ethical sexploration requires copious honesty, consent, and care from all parties involved. Even with good intentions, these lifestyles carry high risks of unintentionally hurting others if proper boundaries aren't thoughtfully navigated. Proceed slowly and considerately for everyone's emotional well-being.

Better communication through dating apps

For people seeking real connections, dating fatigue is all too real in the app era overloaded with surface-level matches. Yet mobile platforms also present chances for more meaningful interactions if participants approach with the right mindset. Leading with open-ended questions, engaging thoughtfully in back-and-forth dialogue, and demonstrating patience through initial text exchanges can help quality filter higher. Bonus points for moving off-app reasonably soon too.

The importance of closure

Whether a one-time date or a longer relationship, providing closure in dating whenever possible delivers a common courtesy people deserve. If feelings weren't reciprocated or incompatible patterns emerged, express this respectfully and finalize the situation to aid in naturally moving on. Of course, circumstances might preclude a direct talk, but clarity helps both parties exit gracefully instead of questioning where they stand indefinitely. Closure often doesn't require deep analysis or blame - a simple message stating it won't be a match conveys finality.

Minding emotional well-being

None of us internalize every dating experience perfectly, but certain behaviors repeatedly encountered can contribute to greater emotional damage over time if left unaddressed. Whether it's regaining confidence after rejection, managing rejection sensitivity, or healing from past mistreatment, prioritizing emotional health through supportive social networks, self-care, and professional help if needed allows us to keep putting our best selves forward.

Dating dynamics extend beyond individual actions as well - certain personality types correlate highly with problematic behaviors across many relationships. Specifically, avoidant attachment styles reflecting deep-seated fears of intimacy tend to result in avoidant behaviors like indifference, withdrawal, and inconsistency that take their toll on partners. While personality traits alone don't determine destiny, self-awareness helps modify unhelpful patterns through dedicated effort.

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And on the flip side, repeatedly exhibiting selfish behaviors like taking others for granted, and being unreliable or careless with their feelings indicates those issues as priorities over consideration of partners. While compatibility varies, sustainably nurturing relationships demand a foundation of mutual care, respect, and effort from all parties.

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